Calvin at Camp: The Calvin King
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: Yeah, it's a Lion King parody. When Calvin who yearns to be king, 'cause he wants the attention dares to explore the forbidden locker room, he doesn't realize he's stumbling into a villain's plot to take over!
1. Linus's Intro

Yep, finally easier on the eyes! Also, times have been added to show that this whole story takes place in two days.**

* * *

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**9:30 AM-The Hallway**

The sun rose as Linus walked through the halls of camp.

Linus: **_From the day we arrived on the planet_**

_**And blinking stepped into the sun**_

_**There's more to insult**_

_**Than you'd ever want to**_

_**Guys do it so much**_

_**That it's no longer fun**_

_**There's far to much to make fun of**_

_**From books to current politics**_

_**Annoying, it's true**_

_**But it'll prove to you**_

_**This is really how people get kicks**_

_**It's a weak parody**_

_**And it's what I'm in**_

_**And it hurts much more**_

_**Than a kick in the shin**_

_**We'll just have to admit**_

_**That our jokes ain't funny**_

_**In our weak**_

_**Our weak parody! **_

"Hello, everyone. Life has changed here ever since Kevin became king of the camp. He and Nazz get the whole building, except for one tiny room where all the other kids are crammed in. The Kankers, Moe, Eddy and Ed have all been kicked out! Some people are fine with the system, but others don't agree with it. Well, that can happen in..."

_**A weak parody**_

_**Is what I'm in**_

_**And it hurts much more**_

_**Than a kick in the shin**_

_**We'll just have to admit**_

_**That our jokes ain't funny**_

_**In our weak**_

_**Our weak parody!**_

"Hey, blanket-loving dork!" called Kevin. "You're not supposed to be out! Get back in your territory!"

Indeed, Rolf and the other kids were all shoved into the main room, which wasn't normally tiny, but when filled with almost the entire camp, seemed much smaller than it really was. Linus trudged inside to join the others.

"Rolf, you don't have to be here, you know," explained Kevin, who was passing by. "I'll let you stay with me and Nazz and the bigger part of my kingdom."

"Sorry, Kevin, but Rolf feels that it his my duty to stay here and watch over the...how you say...'ducks.'"

"Dorks, Rolf, dorks."

"Dorks do not quack, Kevin."

"Whatever, man," said Kevin, leaving the other kids behind, as he walked into the hall into "his kingdom."

"I don't get it, Rolf!" complained Calvin, sitting at one of the tables. A few other kids stuck out from under it, just trying to get some space.

Rolf was amused. "What is not to get, spiky-haired Calvin Boy? Kevin is king and we stay where he puts us!" Rolf got out a hand-drawn map of the camp. "Look at this map! Everything the light touches belongs to us! And Kevin gets the rest!"

Calvin noticed an odd-looking part of the map. "But what's that shadowy part of the map with the skull on it?"

"That is a very dangerous place. Never go there. It is...the locker rooms!"

"The locker rooms? Are they that bad?"

Rolf put the map away. "The skull of danger never lies!"

* * *

Actually, this is probably NOT one of the weakest parodies on this site. I've seen worse...of course, this is the author speaking, so what do I know? 


	2. Edd's Morning Report

Edd suddenly rushed in from the hall, where he was gathering information (Edd always gave a report to Kevin and the kids, so he was briefly let into the hall). "Rolf, I'm here with the morning report!"

"Fire away, Brainy Ed-Boy!"

Edd: **_I have still been searching_**

_**For Eddy and Ed**_

_**Kevin says they moved away**_

_**But I think he's lying, instead**_

_**Charlie Brown can't kick a football**_

_**He fails at it every time**_

_**And this whole room is small and messy and is that some kind of slime?**_

_**Jason and Marcus let Quincy on the run**_

_**And everyone agrees being cramped like this isn't fun**_

_**This is the morning report**_

_**Gives you the long and the short**_

_**Every game, event or sport**_

_**Not a tale I distort**_

_**In the morning report**_

_**As I was walking**_

_**I took an accidental stroll**_

_**Into a room darker than the deepest hole**_

_**It was a terrifying, horrifying, place...**_

Calvin looked up. THAT sounded interesting...Rolf was also interested. "What room was this?"

"You know...that awful locker room! I swear, that is the most dangerous place in this whole...'kingdom.'" Calvin jumped up. This was something he had to see!

Calvin: **_This is the morning report_**

_**Gives you the long and the short**_

_**Every game, event or sport**_

_**Not a tale I distort**_

_**In the morning report!**_

Calvin dashed to another section of the room. Edd watched awkwardly. "My. I seem to have...inspired Calvin."

Calvin found Hobbes sitting in a corner, bored out of his mind.

"Hobbes! Hobbes!"

"What is it?"

Calvin bounced off the walls, bursting with inspiration. "I just heard about the coolest place! The locker rooms!"

Hobbes barely reacted. "The locker rooms? There's nothing special about them. They're just...locker rooms."

"But Double D made it sound so cool!" insisted Calvin. "He said that it had danger and scary stuff like that!"

"Doesn't one try to stay away from danger?"

"Oh, don't be so scared! It'll be fun!"

Hobbes followed Calvin to an emergency GROSS meeting to plan. "Well, okay, but I have a bad feeling about this..."

* * *

I'm really sorry that these chapters are all so short. Edd's Morning Report song at first had verses about Eddy and Ed before they were written into the roles of Timon and Pumbaa. That naturally had to be changed. 


	3. I Really Want to be King

**4:15 PM-The Hallway**

"Now, the normal kids' room didn't have a bathroom in it," narrated Linus. "So Kevin was nice enough to let them go in groups every two hours to use the bathroom on his territory."

Calvin, Hobbes, Edd, Sarah, and Jimmy were walking to the bathroom. Edd was the leader. "Now remember, we're just going to the restroom and back. Kevin says he doesn't want us running around on his land."

Calvin was whispering something to Hobbes. They had planned the whole morning and now that the day was almost over, they were ready to go. "Okay, Hobbes, let's make a break for the locker rooms! We'll lose the others and---"

"HEY!" screeched Sarah. "What are you talking about to that tiger?"

"None of your business!" Calvin shot back. "We don't associate with slimy girls!"

"Fighting will only slow us down..." began Edd.

"YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!" yelled Sarah. Edd backed away nervously.

"Now!" cried Calvin. He and Hobbes made a run for it.

Calvin:**_ I wanna be a mighty king_**

_**Who'll give enemies a scare!**_

Sarah: **_I've never seen a king on earth with yellow spiky hair!_**

Hobbes: **_And I will be the royal cat_**

_**With stripes orange and black**_

_**With a smart tiger at you side**_

_**No one will dare attack!**_

Jimmy: **_Oh, goody! We get to sing!_**

Calvin: **_Oh, I really want to be king_**

_**No one saying do this**_

_**No one saying be there!**_

Hobbes: **_No one saying stop that_**

_**No one saying see here!**_

Calvin: **_Free to attack all the girls_**

_**I'd be the best king in the world!**_

Edd: **_Calvin, I think you forgot_**

_**The bathrooms are that way!**_

Sarah: **_No loudmouthed little punk'll escape me any day!_**

Jimmy: **_If this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out_**

_**Out of this kingdom and America**_

_**I wouldn't hang about**_

_**Sarah, we better do something!**_

Sarah and Jimmy: **_Before Calvin and Hobbes become king!_**

Calvin and Hobbes were almost to the locker room, but it was hard to escape form Sarah. "How are we doing?" asked Calvin.

"They're on my tail! Literally!"

"We'll never get to the locker room at this rate! We'll lose them and send them on a wild goose chase!" **_So, Hobbes, you break left_**

_**I'm gonna break right**_

_**We'll keep those guys searching**_

_**For us all night!**_

"No way!" hissed Sarah. Calvin and Hobbes got to work on a huge trap.

Both: **_To get away we'll do anything_**

_**We're gonna make Sarah's ears ring**_

_**We'll set a trap that'll really sting**_

_**Oh, I really want to be king**_

_**Oh, I really want to be king**_

_**Oh, I really want to be king!**_

The trap was set off. Jimmy fell into a snare trap, Edd was trapped by a net, and Sarah fell into a snare, was covered by a net, AND thrown in a cage. Calvin and Hobbes ran in victoriously.

* * *

This scene was changed when Sarah and Jimmy were thrown in. They're more...aggressive than Edd, who nervously rushes through. I always felt weird how all the roles were scrambled in this story. 


	4. The Horrors of the Locker Room

**4:19 PM-The Locker Room**

The two of them walked into the opening corridor of the locker room. Just around the corner was the apparently terrifying place. "What a great escape!" smiled Calvin. "Thanks to me, of course."

"Hey!" insisted Hobbes. "I believe a great deal of the credit goes to the soon-to-be-royal cat!"

"Yeah, but when I'm king, I'll be so powerful, no one will be able to upstage me!"

Hobbes pounced on him. "You're not king yet! Pinned you."

The two of them fought in a classical way, and bounced into the locker room. Calvin looked around in amazement. "We made it! The Elephant Graveyard!"

"But we're in the locker room."

"Whatever! We're here! Wait, I'm confused. This looks the same as before Kevin was king." It was true. There were a few lines of lockers, a bathroom area, some sinks, some showers, and a door to one of the building's gyms...but that was it.

Hobbes wasn't surprised. "What did you expect?"

"Well, there was the skull of danger and the morning report..."

"Rolf and Double D always stretch the truth!"

Calvin peeked into a row of lockers, but saw nothing. The two of them left, disappointed. "So much for scary stuff..."

Edd ran in, frantic, "Calvin! We're using the bathrooms down the hall, not the ones in the locker room!" Edd suddenly realized where he was. "Wait...THE LOCKER ROOM! This is very bad! We better leave right now!"

Calvin looked at Edd like he'd gone crazy. "Okay, okay. I know it's dirty, but there's no reason to be afraid of this place..."

Suddenly, the three of them heard the sound of bathroom stall doors slamming, followed by evil laughter. Someone else was in there! Out from the bathroom walked the Kanker sisters, May, Lee, and Marie.

"K-K-KANKERS!" sputtered Calvin. Girls were bad enough, but bullying kissing girls were worse!

"It's scary for a much worse reason!" Edd managed to say. "Although it IS rather messy in here."

"What do we have here?" asked Lee, cutting off their exit.

Hobbes leaned over to Calvin. "You want to be king!" he whispered. "Start acting brave!"

"I'm the future king!" Calvin announced proudly. This wasn't true, but he hoped it would scare the Kankers away. It didn't work. They only laughed again.

"Do you know what we do to kings who leave their kingdom?" said Marie.

"Well, we're still in the kingdom," explained Edd, trying to talk his way out of things. "You see, Kevin owns this entire area, so..."

"I love it when he talks like that..." swooned Marie.

"LOVE! Oh dear..."

"We've been boyless for a long time!" said May, moving in on them.

"Yeah! We had to settle for Moe!" Lee pointed at Moe, who was tied up, covered in lipstick, and stuffed in a toilet. "I wanna go home," he grumbled.

"Let's make out, girls!" cried Lee. The Kankers walked closer (they sure were taking their time).

"RUN!" screamed Calvin. He turned around to see that Edd and Hobbes had already left, and were disappearing down the hall. "'Soon-to-be-royal cat!'" mimicked Calvin. "ROYAL FLEABAG!" Calvin tried to run out as well, but the Kankers blocked him again.

"Since Double D is gone, we'll have to settle for someone else!" said Lee, suggestively.

Leave me alone, stupid, whiny, trailer trash!" warned Calvin.

(To the tune of "Chow Down")

Lee: **_He called us trailer trash!_**

Marie: **_Said we were whiny! _**

May: **_Did I hear stupid? _**

Calvin: Uh...

Kankers: **_Tell us again-- gee_**

_**You're something that came here**_

_**Something we'll enjoy**_

_**You may be a brat**_

_**But you're a boy!**_

Lee: **_It's time to make out_**

May and Marie: **_Make out! _**

All Three: **_M-m-m-m-m-make out!_**

"Time for a chase scene," said Calvin, making a run for it. If he could make it there in time, he could escape through the other door to the gym. Kevin would kill him when he found out what Calvin did, but it was better than being with the Kankers. Unfortunately, the door was locked. Calvin looked up to see the Kankers. He was trapped now. "Please, I'm too young! Seriously, I'm only six."

The Kankers skipped to "Chow Down"'s final verse:

Lee: **_We've got him cornered, and this is the end_**

Marie: **_Time for a little time with our good friend_**

May: **_Let's face it, kid, escaping is a doubt!_**

"So come on, Calvin..." smiled Marie.

All Three: **_Make out! _**

**_

* * *

_**I was always sort of bugged by how I had to shorten all the Broadway songs, but I seriously doubt that I could stretch a whole song out about how the Kankers like to kiss guys! Hobbes and Edd's quick exit always amused me. 


	5. Look Into the Stars

Suddenly, Victor, Rolf's goat, ran into the Kankers. Rolf approached them from the other way in, that the Kankers hadn't been guarding. "Thank you, Victor."

The Kankers stomped towards Rolf. He was just another boy, after all. "Rolf has soiled his trousers."

A screech of a bike was heard as Kevin drove in. "HEY! Kanker dorks! Lay off!"

"The king!" said Marie! She stared to move in towards Kevin, but Lee stopped her. "Yeah, yeah, we were leaving."

"Let's go 'play' with Moe, girls," suggested Lee. With a few swift moves, the Kankers half walked, half crawled around one of the corners of the locker room, disappearing into the dim light.

Kevin turned his bike towards Calvin. "And as for the short dork who stepped off his territory, I'll..."

"No, Kevin!" Rolf stopped him. "Spiky-haired Calvin-Boy must be taught! He cannot yet grasp the rules of the cramped space of which he lives!"

"What?" asked Kevin and Calvin.

"Rolf will explain to him why you are king."

**4:30 PM-The Closet**

A few minutes later, Rolf, Calvin, and Hobbes stood in a tiny closet in the main room. Rolf looked proudly up at the ceiling. "You see, Rolf's ancestors taught him that the stars of tiny closets would guide Rolf. They would tell him what to do. Rolf watched the ceiling of the closet for many days but they showed him nothing. Then one day, they said that Kevin must be king. And the stars never lie." Rolf pointed up at a tiny bit of graffiti scribbled on the ceiling.

"But the writing up there is Kevin's handwriting!" Calvin pointed out.

"The stars do not lie, although it's funny that the stars said that Kevin should be king a day after Rolf told Kevin about the stars. Just remember...they live in you."

"So are they, like, parasites?" Calvin walked out with Hobbes, leaving Rolf standing in the closet, still admiring the "stars."

"It's no use getting through to Rolf," said Hobbes, understandingly. "Just remember, I'll always be here."

"Thanks, Hobbes."

It was almost time to go. The two walked away down the hall together, best friends to the end.

* * *

I'm really sorry that this is so short. I'm also sorry that I left out "They Live In You," but the scene is supposed to be a touching one between Calvin and Hobbes, and a loud song like that would have thrown everything off. Rolf was never weirder. 


	6. Be Prepared

**7:08 PM-The Locker Room**

That night, everyone had gone home...everyone but the Kankers and Moe. Down in the dark locker room, they sat, still complaining about earlier. Their parents didn't care when they came home.

"We almost had a guy in here!" moaned May.

"I'm tired of Moe!" complained Marie.

"I hate all of you," said Moe.

"No one asked, you loser!" Lee grabbed Moe and threw him out.

"I still don't get why you wouldn't let us have a go at Kevin," said Marie. "What can he do to us?"

Bowser walked out of his hiding place in the dark corners of the room. "She just wanted him outta here! Lee knew we had to get rid of all the kids, so they wouldn't find out about me!"

"Actually, I didn't wanna get run over."

Bowser stomped the floor, sending a tremor through the whole building. "Look, we're gonna take over, one way or another."

Bowser's Koopalings crawled out from various stills, corners, and lockers. "King Dad, why are you bothering with taking over a summer camp?" asked Bowser's only daughter, Wendy.

"I can't take over a kingdom full of talking mushrooms. We all gotta start somewhere."

"Pathetic," said Roy, another Koopa.

"No one asked you," growled Bowser. He turned to the sisters. "Now, look, Kankers. Most kids will freak out when they see me and my kids, possibly having heart attacks, and falling over dead. I can't have that, 'cause it means less slaves and the police and stuff. So I'm gonna rule THROUGH YOU. You will carry out all my plans. However, we have a problem. That Calvin kid might come back here and find me out."

"What are we supposed to do," asked Lee sarcastically, "kill Calvin?"

"Precisely...I never thought my flunkies essential..."

"Flunkies!" called another Koopa, Ludwig.

"They're crude and unspeakably plain..."

("We can hear you, you know!")

"But maybe they've a glimmer of potential..."

("That hurts my feelings!")

"If allied to my vision and brain."

("You're not a good parent!")

Bowser: **_I know that I'm not the best villain_**

_**Beaten up by a camp full of kids**_

_**But if I manage to enslave them**_

_**They'll forget the stupid things I did**_

_**It's clear that Calvin may come back**_

_**And ruin all the plans in my head**_

_**That's why all of my henchmen**_

_**Will make sure that brat ends up dead**_

_**So prepare for a chance of a lifetime**_

_**Be prepared for sensational news**_

_**A shining new era**_

_**Is tiptoeing nearer!**_

Marie: And where do we feature?

Bowser: Just listen to teacher!

_**Make sure he's out of here**_

_**If he's not, then I fear**_

_**My plans will be ruined by a kid**_

_**He'll fall in our trap and get snared**_

_**Be prepared!**_

"Okay, dad!" said Larry Koopa. "Just tell us what to do!"

"I'll tell you in full detail after the song! But after we get rid of Calvin, I'll stop that Kevin punk from being king!"

"Yeah! Who needs a king?" cheered the Koopas and Kankers. "**_No king, no king! Lalalalalala!_**"

"Idiots! I'M gonna be king! Haven't you been listening to the song lyrics? Or my plot?"

"Sorry..."

An army of Koopa henchmen, including Koopas, Goombas, and Magikoopas marched out.

Army: **_It's great that we'll soon be ruled over_**

_**By a king who deprives all of will**_

Bowser: **_Of course, to serve me, it's expected_**

_**You can't be too afraid to kill**_

_**The future is littered with prizes**_

_**And though I'm the main addressee**_

_**The point that I must emphasize is**_

_**You won't get a sniff without me!**_

At this point, Bowser made a huge ground pound, making huge cracks in the floor. The locker room was soon cracked and red with lava and smoke full of Podabos (little jumping lava things in the Mario games), and rising rock formations. Holes in the ceiling even formed.

Bowser: **_So prepare for the "Koop" of the century_**

_**Be prepared for the Koopa Klan's rise!**_

Iggy and Lemmy: **_Ooh...la la la!_**

Bowser: **_Meticulous planning_**

(Koopas: **_Bowser's great!_**)

Bowser: **_Tenacity spanning_**

(Koopas: **_Our king!_**)

Bowser: **_Decades of denial_**

(Koopas: **_We repeat!_**)

Bowser: **_Is simply why I'll_**

(Koopas: **_Can't be beat!_**)

Bowser: **_Be king undisputed_**

_**Respected, saluted**_

_**And seen for the wonder I am**_

_**Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared**_

_**Be prepared!**_

All: **_Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared_**

_**Be prepared!**_

They all laughed as a huge puff of smoke rose from one of the cracks. When the smoke cleared, the locker room was back to normal, aside from the Koopas. Calvin was a dead man tomorrow...

* * *

I think that when I concieved the plot, Moe was a big part of Bowser's core group, working alongside the Kankers. However, he's just supposed to be a stupid bully, while the Kankers actually show bursts of intelligence and are a lot smarter than they usually seem. Also, for some reason, I thought it was okay for the Kankers to "see" Bowser, but it wasn't for Moe. 


	7. Stampede of the Cars

**9:05 AM-Outside by the Road**

The next morning, Calvin and Hobbes ran around outside playing their favorite game, Calvinball. They had just gotten there, and after saying brief hellos to their friends, went out to play.

"At least 'king' Kevin lets us play outside," said Calvin, bouncing the ball around. "It still stinks..."

"Oh, relax," said Hobbes. "At least we're not in trouble for going into the locker room...wow, we're not in trouble for something for a change!"

"Hey, you landed in the turtle zone!" said Calvin.

"What does that mean?"

"You have to get down and crawl slowly like a turtle! And the only way to get out of the turtle zone is...TO GET HIT BY THE CALVINBALL!" Calvin threw the ball at Hobbes, but missed, despite the fact that he had a perfect target. "Why do I always miss!"

The ball rolled into a bush where the Kankers were hiding. May kicked the ball into the street. Calvin ran after it, leaving Hobbes crawling. "I'll get it!"

"You know, Turtle Zone was the name of an area in 'Super Mario Land 2.'" mused Hobbes. "But I always liked Tree Zone the best..."

In the street, Calvin grabbed the ball. He was heading back when everything started to rumble. Calvin looked up to see a huge line of cars heading for him, seemingly having come out of nowhere. He tried to escape, but there were too many. Calvin also didn't notice that the cars were all driven by Koopas.

"Hobbes!" he called to his friend.

"Calvin!"

Jumping out of his turtle pose, Hobbes "fought" his way through the cars. He dodged most of them and reached Calvin, who was trying hard not to get run over. With all his strength, Hobbes threw Calvin to safety. At that second, Hobbes was by a car and onto the ground. He being the new target, was knocked around by the cars farther down the road, out of Calvin's view. Bowser was riding on top of one of the cars and reached down and grabbed Hobbes.

"Bowser?"

"Long live the king!" hissed Bowser.

Hobbes looked at him awkwardly. "Why did you say that?"

"You know, I'm not really sure...oh, well!"

Bowser tossed Hobbes into the rushing traffic and laughed as Hobbes got run over...again and again and again.

Calvin frantically ran back and forth, frantically. How was he supposed to save Hobbes? The huge line of cars eventually reached its' end, and drove away, leaving nothing but huge tire tracks.

"Hobbes?"

* * *

Although Rolf and Kevin are the Mufasa figures, Kevin getting hit by a car would result in everyone celebrating, and Rolf wouldn't have the same emotion as Hobbes. It's more crucial to Calvin if it's his best friend. Also, "old world" Rolf getting plowed by a car may strike some as being very ironic. The ending is totally Bambi. 


	8. Aftermath

**9:12-By the Road**

Calvin ran alongside the road looking for Hobbes. Before he found him, Calvin was stopped by the huge figure of Bowser. "Well, well, well..."

"Out of the way, Bowser! Hobbes needs me!" Calvin walked around Bowser, and father down the road.

"He doesn't need you anymore!" said Bowser. Calvin stopped. "I saw him down there," continued the Koopa king. "Well, half of him, anyway. He was torn up so much, you'll never find all of him! Face it, kid! He's roadkill. And it's your fault for going in the street!"

"No..."

"And since I love your misery so much, I won't even try to kill you! I'll have a few friends do it!" Bowser opened up his shell, and the Kankers jumped out, chasing Calvin.

"Not you again!"

"What should we do when we catch him, girls?" asked Lee.

"Let's do the kiss of death!" cried May.

Calvin ran faster, which was hard to do after that whole car thing. "Not that! I don't even want to know how that works!"

Calvin saw a bus going by and grabbed onto the back. He drove away safely, leaving the Kankers.

"Bowser's gonna kill us when he finds out about this!" worried Marie, watching the bus get farther and farther away.

Lee looked up. "You mean, if he finds out."

"If? If is good..."

"Aww!" whined May. "I wanted to give him the kiss of death!"

"No problem," said Lee, starting back towards camp. "If he ever comes back, we'll kiss him."

"You hear that?" Marie called back at the speck of a bus disappearing into the distance. "IF YOU EVER COME BACK, WE'LL KISS YOU!"

Laughing, the Kankers walked back to tell Bowser the good news. So what if he wasn't dead? He wouldn't be coming back!

* * *

This really should have been in the same chapter as the stampede. Oh well. I have no idea why Calvin was listening to Bowser, nor why he's not surprised to see the hulking Koopa in the real world. 


	9. Rise of the Kankers

**9:20 AM-The Main Room**

It was a few minutes later in the main room. A rather torn-up Hobbes stumbled in, and collapsed in front of Jason. "Hobbes! What happened to you!"

"There was traffic, and Calvin got caught in it, and Bowser was there! I barley got out alive, and now Bowser might have caught Calvin!"

"Good lord!" gasped Edd.

"Well, we've gotta save him!" said Marcus. The four of them started out the door, when the Kankers walked in, blocking it.

"You're not going anywhere!" ordered Lee.

"We're going to save Calvin, and no one is about to stop us!" said Marcus.

"Not even you!" added Edd. He actually shoved by the Kankers. As they set out, the Kankers pulled out Koopa magic wands and zapped the kids, tossing them back in the room.

"The kid's dead," lied Marie. "We found him on the road. Called his parents. He's already been taken away."

"Calvin..." whispered Hobbes.

"Besides, we have an announcement!" said May.

"We're running this place now!" announced Lee.

Kevin ran in upon hearing this. "Which dork said that!"

"We did!" Lee zapped all the kids in the room using the wands, suspending them in the air. Everyone turned in fear to the Kankers as a reprise of "Be Prepared" started.

Lee: **_The Kankers are rising to power_**

_**You all knew we would, someday**_

_**And now your only chance of survival**_

_**Is to get down on your knees and pray!**_

May and Marie: **_We'd like to give some credit_**

_**To the few guys who helped us out**_

_**But now we've got the wands and some power**_

_**And power, after all's what it's about!**_

Lee: **_Be prepared for a Kanker-filled future_**

_**Be prepared for this deleted reprise!**_

May: **_We're here, so get used to..._**

Marie: **_Us ruling over you!_**

May and Marie: **_With wands of you-know-who_**

_**There's nothing we can't do!**_

Kankers: **_With friends in high places_**

_**We hold all the aces!**_

Bowser is hid the closet with the other Koopalings, watching them.

Bowser: **_And no one wants to get on my bad side..._**

Koopas: **_Oh, imagine if anyone dared!_**

Kankers: **_Be prepared!_**

Koopas: **_Oh, imagine if anyone dared!_**

"Be prepared," said Bowser in a low voice.

* * *

The reprise of "Be Prepared" was from a deleted scene. It's also apparently in the Broadway show, but not on the soundtrack. That's a shame. 


	10. Paradise in a Men's Bathroom

**9:30-Outside**

The second the Kankers had gone inside, Calvin crept back to camp. He was taking a big risk by coming back with the Kankers and Bowser, but still..."I can't leave camp...all my friends are here...besides one..."

Calvin sadly climbed up into a tree and sat there for a few minutes. The branch cracked, and he fell. Ed and Eddy were waiting below and caught him. "Ed? Eddy?"

"Calvin!" said Eddy. "Great to see you! We need someone to scam around here!"

"I have a salmon!" said Ed.

"Kevin told us you moved!"

"That rat!" grumbled Eddy. "No, we've been out here ever since Kevin banished us!"

"He banished you? Why?"

"'Cause Eddy is the man with the plan!" cried Ed.

"He kicked us out, because he hates us!" explained Eddy. "But life out here is better than anything you'll get with Kevin in there!"

"Where's Hobbes?" asked Ed.

Calvin looked away, remembering why he was out here in the first place. "Oh...well, he's...not around anymore. I did something really bad..."

"Well, when we do something bad, we forget about it! Put it in the past! Hakuna Matata!"

"What's that mean?"

"Those little words will solve all your problems!" cried Eddy. "Why..."

_**When I was a little kid...**_

Ed: **_WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE KID!_**

Eddy: Very nice.

Ed: Vocal cords!

Eddy: **_People respected me with my brother around_**

_**But after he left, I soon found**_

_**That the kids didn't like me at all**_

_**When my brother went, it was Eddy's DOWNFALL**_

_**I was mad**_

_**And all alone**_

_**Life was stressin'**_

_**But I learned a lesson**_

_**Of Hakuna Matata**_

_**What a wonderful phrase!**_

Ed: **_Hakuna Matata! _**

_**Ain't no passing craze**_

Both: **_It means no worries for the rest of your days_**

_**It's our problem-free philosophy**_

_**Hakuna Matata!**_

"Hakuna Matata?" Calvin asked skeptically. "Where'd THAT word come from?"

"Ed started spurting out random words one day, and we liked this one!"

"Spell check hates it!" grinned Ed.

"Yeah, life's been pretty tough on Ed, too," Eddy said, sympathetically.

_**When he was a little lump...**_

Ed: **_WHEN I WAS A LITTLE LUMP!_**

Eddy: Whatever. **_He was bossed around by his sister, the twerp!_**

Ed: **_But I always had good gravy to slurp!_**

Eddy: **_He's a sensitive soul, though we don't treat him that way_**

_**And his smell and gross-ness drives everyone away**_

_**He was a sad case**_

_**Couldn't show his face**_

_**And people yelled "geez"**_

_**When he cut the---**_

"Please!" interrupted Calvin. "I hate bathroom humor!"

"Sorry."

Ed and Eddy: **_Hakuna Matata! _**

_**What a wonderful phrase**_

_**Hakuna Matata! **_

_**Ain't no passing craze!**_

An unseen spotlight shone on Calvin.

Calvin: **_It means no worries _**

_**For the rest of your days**_

All Three: **_It's our problem-free philosophy_**

_**Hakuna Matata!**_

Suddenly, it started to rain. Calvin glared at the two boys. "Great. What do we do now, outcasts?"

"Relax!" laughed Eddy. "There's one part camp that wasn't claimed by anyone!"

A minute later, they were soon at an out-of-order men's bathroom at the far corner of the camp. Inside, it was surprisingly a paradise, complete with waterfall, caused by an overflowing urinal. It even created a rainbow.

"Wow!" said Calvin in awe. "This is tiny, but it's the greatest place ever!"

"Like it?" said Eddy, reclining in a sink, using it like a hot tub. "And we've got all the Chunky Puffs and Buttered toast with gravy in the world!"

"This is what I call living!" said Calvin, making himself at home as well.

_**It means no worries **_

_**For the rest of your days!**_

All Three: **_It's our problem-free philosophy_**

_**Hakuna Matata**_

_**Hakuna Matata**_

_**Haknuna Matata**_

**_Hakuna Matata_**...etc.

The door to the bathroom closed, as they kept singing. Calvin decided they were right! Put his troubles behind him!

* * *

I'm sort of bugged thatI wrote Calvin getting over Hobbes so quickly. I know it's the same in the movie, but the point of a parody is to DIFFER from the movie (Take notes, people)! 

When first concieved, Timon and Pumbaa were going to be played by Johnny and Plank, because I recalled that Kevin was always sort of annoyed at them (in one episode he actually PAYS Eddy to get rid of them!). However, it's obvious he hates the two Eds more, and their characters fit better. A full sequel was written about these two, by the way.

Finally, aside from an obscure scene in "Calvin's Haunted House," this is the first appearance of the now famous broken-down bathroom! I had no idea that I'd be using it so much.


	11. Under Bowser's Rule

**11:36 AM-The Main Room's Closet**

Bowser and his Koopalings all sat in the closet, asleep. The Kankers were with him. Edd had walked in an hour earlier upon hearing strange noises. When he saw the Koopas, he was thrown into the cage in a second. Now he was sadly singing.

Edd: **_Sunrises, nightfalls_**

_**Sometimes the sky calls**_

_**Is that a song there?**_

_**And do I belong there?**_

_**I've never been there**_

_**But I know the way**_

_**I'm going to go back there...**_

"BORING!" yelled Marie. "Sing something that's faster!"

Edd: **_Do the Mario_**

_**Swing your arms from side to side...**_

"You want Bowser to kill you?" asked Lee.

"It's better than this life," sighed Edd. The Kankers all pointed their wands at him. "Fine, fine...what would a Kanker like?..."

_**Prisoners of love**_

_**Blue skies above**_

_**Can't keep our hearts in jail**_

_**Prisoners of love...**_

"That's more like it!" said May, dancing to the music.

"At least Kevin never made me do this..." sighed Edd.

Bowser and his kids all sat up, each with wands of their own. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!" roared Bowser. "I'M TWICE THE KING KEVIN WAS!"

"At least you're finally awake!" said Lee. "You ate all the food here!"

"So?"

"So the kids are too tired to work," said May, peeking out of the closet at a few miserable kids.

"What kind of villains are you? Make them work!" Bowser started to go back to sleep. The Koopalings growled at the Kankers, and then joined their dad.

"But they might, like, revolt?" asked Marie.

"Don't forget..." Bowser reminded them, "you've got the power now!"

The Kankers grumbled and left. Bowser slammed the door behind them. "You may have some power...but I've got ALL the power!" Bowser and his kids all laughed as Edd pulled out a harmonica and continued playing "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday."

Outside the closet, the kids all sat, sadly making Koopa weapons like Bullet Bills and Bob-Ombs.

"I wish we never even had a king!" sighed Charlie Brown.

"But doesn't it make you wonder if the Kankers are ruling, why are we sitting around here making KOOPA weapons?" Jason wondered.

"When Hobbes said he saw Bowser, it means that he wasn't just here for murder!" said Marcus, realizing what was going on. "He's here to rule us all!"

"That explains the wands the Kankers have..." said Hobbes, "well, I won't let them take over! In the name of my best friend, I'm setting off to find help! For Calvin!"

The doors were open a crack. Hobbes managed to barely slip through.

Hobbes and Chorus: **_And where the journey may lead me_**

_**This prayer will be my guide**_

_**Though most of my friends are here**_

_**I feel so empty inside...**_

Hobbes slowly set out into the hall on a possibly long journey. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he had to go somewhere, right?

* * *

It's funny how Hobbes's journey is actually only a few feet. I wish I could have included "The Madness of King Scar," but it's so darn close to the brief "Shadowlands" and Edd's songs that it would have been a tight fit. Also, dialogue seems to work better here. 


	12. Togehter Again

**11:49-The Bathroom**

Ed and Eddy were dancing around near the entrance of the bathroom. Ed was holding a salmon.

Eddy: **_In the jungle_**

_**The mighty jungle**_

_**The lion sleeps tonight**_

_**In the jungle**_

**_The quiet jungle_**...Ed?

Ed had wandered away, and was now following a bug. "You are so small and little. I will keep you and smother you with love like my other squashed bug pets! Bugs, bugs, bugs!"

Hobbes jumped out of nowhere and started trying to eat Ed's salmon. Ed yelled in horror and started to fight back. "That is MY fish! Give it back, oh infernal beast! I'll save you, Angus!"

Calvin and Eddy burst out of the bathroom. "Ed? What's going on? Wait...Hobbes?"

"Calvin?"

Hobbes tackled Calvin and they rolled around laughing. "I thought you were dead!"

"I thought YOU were dead!"

Hobbes turned to the Eds. "Sorry about the salmon, Ed. I was just hungry...wait, didn't you guys move?"

"I'll tell you later, Hobbes! Let's go and play!" Hobbes and Calvin ran outside, where it had stopped raining.

"Look at them!" fumed Eddy. "Together! First we lose Double D, and now Calvin! There goes another friend!"

_**I can see what's happening**_

"What?" asked Ed.

_**And they don't have a clue**_

"Who?"

_**He'll leave with Hobbes and here's the bottom line**_

_**Our trio's down to two**_

"Oh."

"**_It's a magical world"_**

"_**There's treasure everywhere"**_

_**And with all those famous one-liners**_

_**There's no room for us in there!**_

Calvin and Hobbes, meanwhile, were playing outside.

Unseen Chorus: **_Oh, will Calvin leave today?_**

_**Him and his very best friend**_

_**The world, for once, in perfect harmony**_

**_They hope it never ends!_**

Calvin: **_So many things to tell him_**

_**But the past still has its' stings**_

_**I'm dead if I go back there, and also**_

_**It stinks having a king**_

Hobbes: **_He's gone into hiding_**

_**But why, I can't decide**_

_**Why won't he be the friend I know he is**_

**_The king I see inside? _**(Wow, this is getting too romantic for two males who are only friends...sorry about that)

Unseen Chorus: **_Oh, will Calvin leave today?_**

_**Him and his very best friend**_

_**The world, for once, in perfect harmony**_

_**They hope it never ends**_

_**Oh, will Calvin leave today?**_

_**It's frankly hard to tell**_

_**Because if he does, he could save the "kingdom"**_

_**From a living hell...**_

Eddy and Ed stood watching them from the doorway. Ed looked like he was about to cry. Eddy looked mad, but by the end of the song was also sad.

Eddy: **_And if he leaves with Hobbes today_**

_**It can be assumed...**_

Ed: **_His carefree days with us are history..._**

Both: **_In short, our pal is doomed_**

They both burst into tears and left. Calvin, like Edd, was history now.

* * *

Hobbes and Calvin are getting a wee bit too close here, but it could have been worse. Do you know how hard it is to take the romance out of that song? 


	13. Alone

**12:10-Outside**

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting on a bench outside. It was getting a little cloudier. "I really thought you were gone," said Calvin.

"I thought that about you, too. Look, you have to go back to the others! The Kankers have gotten Koopa wands, and they've turned us into slaves! Bowser's probably there, too! No one is allowed to leave! I had to escape!"

"They have WANDS now?" gasped Calvin. "Those guys want to kill me...I can't go back, Hobbes. We weren't even happy there Besides, Hakuna Matata!"

"Hakuna Matata?" Hobbes yelled in disbelief. "Stop quoting 'The Lion King' and get serious!"

"Hey, 'The Lion King' was serious...at times. All I know is I'm staying here, and you should, too."

"I thought you'd do the right thing this time. But I was wrong. I'm going back to help the others." Hobbes started to run off into the hall back to the main room where everyone else was.

"Hey!" Calvin called after him. "Come back! You...you said that you'd always be there for me!"

"I said that...but I thought YOU'D be there for me, too."

Calvin slowly walked back to the bathroom, which now had its' lights turned off. Ed and Eddy were gone, having run off after seeing the fight between Calvin and Hobbes. It was now a dark and cloudy day.

"It's so dark out...like night...Hobbes is gone again...and it's all my fault..."

_**Where has the sunlight gone?**_

_**Dark is the day**_

_**How can I find my way home?**_

_**Home is an empty dream**_

_**Lost to the night**_

_**Hobbes, how I feel so alone**_

_**You promised you'd be there**_

_**Whenever I needed you**_

_**Whenever I call your name**_

_**You're not anywhere**_

_**I'm trying to hold on**_

_**Just waiting to hear your voice**_

_**One word, just a word will do**_

_**To end this nightmare...**_

Chorus: **_I know that the night must end_**

_**And that the sun will rise**_

_**And that the sun will rise**_

_**I know that the clouds must clear**_

_**And that the sun will shine**_

_**And that the sun will shine...**_

Calvin fell asleep as the room got darker and eventually faded out.

* * *

I'll be honest. I hate it when the song lyrics aren't altered in my songs, as I feel it's uncreative. Still, these words work so well, I couldn't brign myself to change them. I also got sorta lazy at this point since this is the last song before the final reprise of "A Weak Parody." 

Also, "Endless Night" has been moved from where it was in the original show, since it works better here.


	14. Remember Who You Are

**3:45-The Bathroom**

Calvin woke up to see Linus standing by him. "Linus?"

"Hello, Calvin. Nice to see you awake and so full of life. If you could call it that, anyway."

"What do you mean?"

Linus glanced around the room. "Look at what's happened. You're living out your life in a men's bathroom."

Calvin realized that suddenly, the bathroom didn't look as nice as it did in the "Hakuna Matata" scene. It was nothing but a broken down place with an ugly overflowing urinal, after all.

"Well, I guess," admitted Calvin. "But it's not worth it, back in the other room. The Kankers want to kill me, and Bowser and the Koopas are probably there, and having a king or queen just plain stinks...we can't have real fun anymore."

"That may be true, but you had something else there...friends."

Calvin sighed. "Even Eddy and Ed are gone, now...I miss Jason and Marcus, Double D, Hobbes, even Rolf...but now that no one can leave, I'll never see them again."

"I know where Rolf is." Linus pointed into a toilet. Confused, Calvin looked in and only saw himself reflected in the dirty water.

"Linus, Lucy's slugged you too many times," he sighed after seeing his reflection. "That's just me."

"Look closer."

Calvin's reflection changed into Rolf's face.

"He lives in you."

"What does that even mean!" yelled Calvin.

Suddenly, the room was filled with fog. A light shone on the toilet, which a ghostly-looking Rolf rose out of. "Spikey-haired Calvin boy," he said in a low serious voice. "You have forgotten who you are. You have forgotten your friends."

"No! No, I could never forget you guys!"

"But you have by turning your back on us."

Calvin fell to his knees. He wasn't sure what was going on, but this ghost thing was actually making a lot of sense. "Rolf, please! I remember you! I remember who I am!"

"You are our friend, and we need the imagination and happiness in you now more than ever. Remember...remember...remember..." Rolf sank into the toilet. The mist and fog faded away.

"Rolf! No! Please...come back..." Calvin watched the toilet, but nothing happened.

"Call a plumber on that one, huh?" smiled Linus.

"Well, I know what I've gotta do now," said Calvin. "But even with the Kankers gone, Kevin will come back, and everything will still be bad."

"True, things can be bad," said Linus, holding up a dirty blanket, "and we may want to throw them away...but if you try..." Linus washed the blanket off. "...things may get better."

"Well, I better be going. Goodbye, Linus."

"Simba Returns" music started up. Suddenly, Jason, Marcus and Hobbes jumped down from the ceiling with a fog machine and flashlights. Rolf jumped out of the toilet. "Not without us!"

"Guys!"

Together, the friends started to run back down the hall and take on the Kankers. They passed Eddy and Ed, who were just coming in.

"Where are you guys going?" asked Eddy.

"We're off to save the kingdom from the Kankers!"

Ed ran for cover in the bathroom. "Kankers!"

"Count me out!" said Eddy. "Besides, I hate Kevin! Why would I want to save his kingdom?"

"True, things can be bad, and we may..." started Linus.

"Give the speech later!" interrupted Marcus. "We've got a kingdom to save!"

The kids all ran away, leaving Ed and Eddy. "Hey, didn't they move?" asked Jason.

* * *

You know, it's hard to do a serious scene when your character is rising out of a toilet. Hopefully Linus's words of wisdom will distract everyone. "He Lives In You" was cut for the same reason the first one was.

Ed and Eddy were originally going to accompany them, before I had the idea of writing a sequel. I had heard about a deleted scene where Timon gives himself a warmup speech to accompany Simba, and I hoped to do the same thing. No such luck, I decided it was better to have them pop in later and explain what was going on in the sequel.


	15. Return to Pride Rock, I Mean Camp

**3:57-The Main Room**

The happy music stopped as the kids reached the main room. Calvin was the first to walk in and look around the place. There were no kids there, and although it looked like it always had, something was different. "It's the same room...but it feels so dark...and unhappy..."

"It's gotten worse amazingly fast," said Hobbes, also stepping in. "I mean, the traffic thing was this morning!"

"This morning!" cried Calvin. "The day's almost over! When we come back tomorrow, who knows what will have happened! We have to save everyone NOW! Hey, wait, how did you guys escape?"

"The Sister Trio went into a closet and we ran out the door," said Rolf.

Jason got curious. "Speaking of which, what's in that closet?"

They walked over and were about to open it, when Johnny suddenly jumped out at them. "Hi, guys! Me and Plank are guards! We're gonna have to kill you!" With an absent-minded smile, Johnny pulled out a Koopa wand. "The Kankers said something about 'spilling the beans to the boss' and now everyone knows you're alive! The Kankers say that you're a traitor and want to overthrow them, and everyone's gone out to find you and kill you!"

"Willingly?" asked Jason.

"Nope, but they're threatening us with wands. Now I can kill you!"

"Do not kill us, Johnny wood-boy!" cried Rolf.

"Why?"

"Because it's wrong," reasoned Jason.

"Why?"

"Because killing is bad," said Marcus.

"Why?"

"Just leave us alone, okay!" yelled Calvin.

"Okay!"

Softly opening the door, they peeked in the closet to see Bowser and the Koopalings, all asleep. Edd still sat in a cage.

"'The boss' is Bowser!" gasped Calvin. "I knew it! He had to be in charge!"

"And those lazy Koopas are asleep!" said Hobbes, disgusted.

Rolf was the most terrified. "It is the sea-cucumber who haunts Rolf!"

"No!" cried Jason, not wanting to alarm Rolf. "He's, uh...a terrorist. In a cool costume."

"Rolf sees. He does not tolerate terrorists! A duel, I say!"

"And Double D's in a cage!" Marcus pointed out.

Calvin started making a plan. "We need to distract the Koopas while we save Double D..."

Seconds later, Johnny and Plank jumped into the closet. "Howdy, howdy, howdy! Here's 'Johnny and Plank's Penny Dance!' A-one, and a-two...PENNY, PENNY, I SEE A PENNY! GIVE ME YOUR PENNY! WHO'S GOT A PENNY? PENNY, PENNY, I SEE A PENNY! WHO'S GOT A PENNY? PENNY..."

The Koopas chased Johnny out of the room. The others sipped into the closet.

"Wow," said Hobbes, "Johnny will do anything for a handful of granola."

"They should have locked the closet, you know," said Jason.

Edd stepped out of the cage. "And they should have locked the cage!"

Rolf was confused. "Brainy Ed-boy could not escape an unlocked cage?"

"Frankly, I was too afraid to leave."

Calvin reviewed the situation. "Let's see...Bowser is ruling through the Kankers who are making all the kids try to murder me. This is actually pretty normal for camp."

"So, are we gonna confront Bowser and save everyone?" asked Jason.

"We sure are!"

* * *

The Penny Dance is a leftover scene from when Johnny and Plank were Timon and Pumbaa (it was the only fully planned scene with them, any way). 


	16. Battle at the Stadium

**4:21-The Football Stadium**

The sky was now very dark. The kids were all around a nearby football stadium, looking for Calvin. The Kankers marched back and fourth, zapping kids who didn't go fast enough.

"Search under those seats!" ordered Lee. "And by that goalpost! We're finding this kid, or no more food!"

"We don't even have food!" said Jimmy. Lee zapped him. Sarah lunged at the Kanker, but was hit, too. Calvin and his friends peeked in. "Well, Sarah in pain is always fun..." smiled Calvin.

Suddenly, Johnny ran in, being chased by the Koopas.

"Monsters!" cried the kids.

"No!" explained Rolf. "This is a terrorist in a costume!"

"Hey, it's that weird guy who escaped!" said Marie.

"Punish him!" roared Bowser. "Punish all of them!"

The Kankers and the Koopas all raised their wands at everyone when Calvin jumped out. "Stop! I'm the one you want! Look at him, guys! He's been bossing you around through the Kankers! He's had you make weapons for him, he's eaten all you food, and he's put three insane girls in charge of you!"

Bowser strolled over. "Calvin...how nice to see you..." he glared at the Kankers. "...alive." The Kankers looked at each other and shrunk away.

"Enough of this!" yelled Calvin. "You're crazy! You took over a camp full of kids! That's it! Big deal! Who cares?"

"THAT'S IT!" bellowed Bowser. "I've had it with you! You're going to have the worst death ever! I'm going to have your fellow kids kill you!" he turned to the kids and pointed at Calvin. "GET HIM!"

The kids didn't move. "Let's see..." said Lucy. "Would we rather kill an annoying kid...or some nut in a costume who tried to enslave us!"

The kids started fighting the Koopas, and were doing a pretty good job of it, too. Johnny swung around dressed as Captain Melonhead, and his Plank as his sidekick, Splinter. "Captain Melonhead to the rescue!" Johnny knocked away all the Koopas' wands. "Yeah! That'll show them! Another day, another doughnut, eh, buddy!"

Edd was hiding in fear of the Koopas when Eddy and Ed knocked them away. Edd looked up happily. "Eddy? Kevin said you moved!"

"Kevin says a lot of things! Now, are you gonna sit there and let yourself be killed by a Koopa or what?"

"It's good to see you again, too, Eddy."

"And I can sing!" said Ed.

Suddenly, the Kankers jumped out. "Ah, yes. I knew we were missing someone," sighed Edd. They ran off in terror. Some things never change.

At the top of the stadium, on the very edge, Calvin stood fighting Bowser...actually, Calvin was mostly dodging Bowser's fire breath and other attacks. There wasn't much he could do, aside from insulting Bowser. "You've had this coming for a long time, Bowser!"

"Yeah, but you can't transmogrify your way out of this one, kid! No warp pipes or cardboard boxes to save you this time!" Bowser grabbed Calvin and dangled him over the edge of the stadium. "Soon you'll be like Mario down a pit!"

Both of them looked over and noticed Hobbes calmly sitting. "You know, that looks familiar, Bowser...oh, yes! It's how I looked...before YOU threw me in the line of traffic!"

Hobbes sprung at Bowser and Calvin kicked him in the face. Bowser lost his balance and almost fell. He dug his huge claws into the stadium and looked up in fear at Calvin.

"Admit it, Koopa!" growled Calvin. "You set up the traffic jam!"

"Yeah, it was me! Why doesn't anything kill you guys?"

Calvin laughed. "Have you SEEN what we've been through, Bowser? Besides, you can't even kill a pair of plumbers!"

Bowser managed to swing up and kicked Hobbes. Hobbes fell painfully down the stairs, through the rows of seats. "Long live the king!" Bowser called after the poor tiger.

Calvin looked at Bowser with pure hatred. "I don't know why you said that, but you're gonna get it now!"

Calvin jumped for Bowser, who just kicked him away. "Just give it up, wimp! No one's about to help you!"

The Eds flew by on a Blue Paratroopa and tossed Calvin a Super Mushroom. Calvin grew to a huge size. Bowser looked up at the now giant figure that was Calvin. "A...Super Mushroom!"

Calvin reached down and grabbed Bowser, holding him over the edge. "Wait a second! I'm not the one you want! It was...uh...Gannondorf! He's the enemy!" Calvin clearly didn't believe this.

Gannondorf, meanwhile, sat in Hyrule, watching this in a mystical pool. "And to think I was about to go down there and help him! What an idiot."

"Well, you're not really about to kill me?" Bowser managed to weakly say. "Are you?"

"No. I'm not like you. This isn't a video game, Bowser. It's the real world. You kill someone and they stay dead. I don't do that."

"What a weakling!"

Calvin threw Bowser down to the ground. It looks as if he was really about to die when he fell into a book Jason and Marcus were holding open. Bowser ended up landing painfully in a castle dungeon. Gannondorf walked out of the shadows.

"Gannondorf...buddy...help me out..."

"Buddy?" said Gannondorf, with an evil smile. "I though you said I was the enemy..." Gannondorf closed in on Bowser.

Meanwhile, all the other Koopas were losing the battle. With Bowser gone, the rest of the Koopalings and their minions were quickly tossed into the books.

"Is that all of them?" asked Marcus.

At that moment, Roy jumped out. "I haven't given up yet, ya runts! Now here's something to remember me by!" Roy pulled out a Fire Flower, and started a blaze. He would have made it bigger if Jason and Marcus hadn't jumped on him with a book. The fire started to spread. Suddenly, it began to rain, quenching the fire.

"Summer rains..." Edd said quietly, "you never can predict them..."

* * *

This was a ton of fun to write. I love this chapter. Gannondorf was random at best, but there's supposed to be a running gag about how Bowser is actually his personal punching bag and is terrified of him. If you want to know what the Eds were doing, read the sequel. 


	17. A Happy Ending For a Change

As the rain turned to a drizzle, the kids silently walked back to camp. When they got back, Kevin stood on a chair and made a speech. "Okay, I guess I'm king again! And I make Calvin, for saving all of us, 'Royal Dude!'"

The kids were very impressed. Calvin wasn't. "'Royal Dude?' What does that even MEAN! Look at Kevin, guys! I didn't see him beat the leader of the, uh... 'terrorists!'"

Rolf stood up. "Rolf agrees! Strange Calvin-Boy has saved us, therefore he should be king!" The kids all agreed.

"Well, you did it," said Hobbes. "We may all be doomed, but I suppose you beat Kevin..."

Calvin jumped up onto the chair himself. "And as my first royal act, I..."

Linus ran in from the closet, interrupting him. "Wait! Everyone! Look at the 'stars!'"

Everyone went into the closet to see new writing on the ceiling. Rolf inspected them closely. "The stars say...that no matter what is said in the future, there will NEVER BE ANOTHER KING! THE STARS HAVE SPOKEN!"

"King of Pride Rock" started again as the kids cheered. Calvin gasped in horror and looked at the stars. "What? WHAT! I didn't even get to be 'royal dude!' Linus, that's YOUR handwriting!"

"You're spitting on me," said Hobbes.

"At least I deserve a ceremony or something!" persisted Calvin. Linus began to think. "Well..."

It was the next morning. Everyone gathered atop the stadium, cheering. Rolf was holding up Calvin like Rafiki held Simba in "The Lion King," Jason and Marcus were flying around in background on a rocket. Ed, Edd, and Eddy had balloons, hats, and other party supplies. It was the perfect ending. Calvin, however, wasn't very happy. "Linus, I'm gonna kill you!"

Chorus and everyone but Calvin: **_We'll just have to admit_**

_**That our jokes ain't funny**_

_**In our weak**_

_**Our weak parody**_

**_WEAK PARODY!_**

**_

* * *

_**And so ends the "weak" parody. I'd once again like to thank everyone who reviewed this thing in the first place. 


End file.
